I Better Find Your Loving…but Then What?
Jul 26, 2010 Free Flow
Love, the ultimate feeling that we all crave to experience at one point in our lives. Some of us are in love with the thought of being in love. Some of us desire to love and be love by another so bad that all of the focus is placed on finding love and what’s to happen afterwards is left to be figured out at the latter. As a result we find ourselves rushing into relationships, opening our hearts faster than a drive thru order and then wonder why we end up broken.
To me love is a beautiful and tender place that needs to be taken care when you arrive. Moreover, it’s a place where the journey is just as important as the arrival. Why rush it? Why do like Drake and sing I better find your love but have the slightest idea about what you will do when you get it? Just like a man with out a vision for his life will perish, a couple without a vision for the love will perish. I tend to think of love as an on going process that takes effort and thought to do everyday of our lives and one that doesn’t have that understand before love is amongst them, the dance can end in devastation.
So I admonish you, to not be hasty in this love thing. I you want to ensure that love is mutual between you and your mate, that it is genuine and has potential for further development, it is important for you to take your time and let love happen not force it. Better, get to know one another well enough so that when you choose to love, your choice is not regretted afterwards.
If my thoughts resonate with you and you have found your self in a situation where you were open to love, but you wanted to take it a little slower; below I have an awesome blog that I found on yahoo shine that may help. The blog gives five ways that a person can slow down the dating process without making their love interest feel like they are being abandoned.
Know the difference between a tide and an undertow
“I think people have to allow for a bit of a giddy whirlwind,” says Lynn Harris, relationship expert and author of He Loved Me, He Loves Me Not, who married her husband just a year after they met. “People who spend too much time analyzing what’s going on and playing it safe suck all the romance out of it.” Even so, there is a big difference between being swept up and feeling completely out of control. So ask yourself: If your new love interest asks you to do something you’re uncomfortable with — say, heading to a dicey-looking club on your second date — do you feel fine voicing your reservations, or do you sweep them under the rug to avoid ruining the moment? “If you feel like you have to act a certain way, then that’s a sign you’re not comfortable with this person. You’re just comfortable with the idea of being in a whirlwind romance,” points out Harris. Bottom line, any long-term relationship needs your input, good and bad. More on how to do that next…
Slow things down without hurting anyone’s feelings
If you think things are rushing along too quickly, you owe it to the relationship to say so. However, avoid the usual lines like “I think we need to take things slower” or “I need some space” — these clichés will only set off alarm bells and make your amour think you’re trying to wiggle out of the relationship. Instead, be specific by explaining, “I’d love to see you this weekend, but a friend of mine is going through a rough time so I’m going to hang out with her” or “A work project is killing me and I’ll feel better if I hunker down and finish it so I can relax the next time we’re together.” If your date presses the issue, put his or her fears to rest by framing your time apart as a way to keep your relationship healthy for the long run. Say, “I’m really into you and I don’t want to mess this up by moving too fast.” To reassure your sweetie further, make a plan to see each other on a date you’ll be more available — that way your date’s not left hanging and wondering if the relationship’s on the rocks.
*Don’t act on every impulse
Are you thinking of your sweetie and tempted to call to say so… for the fifth time that day? That’s sweet, but before you dial the digits, know this: not all impulses are meant to be acted upon. “People misinterpret feelings for phone calls. They don’t have to be one and the same,” says Harris. “Just sit back and enjoy the buzz. Enjoy the fact that you just hung up the phone and want to pick it up again. That’s awesome.” And enough already! This rule especially holds true for emailing and instant messaging — mediums that encourage you to reveal all sorts of personal info but that can easily breed a false sense of intimacy. So before hitting that “send” button, ask yourself: Would you feel comfortable coughing up this info in person? If not, save it for later.
*Curb conversations about the future
So you’d love to take a romantic cruise to Alaska together this fall. Or you’ve always dreamt of having your wedding on the beach at sunset. Or you’re certain you want at least three kids, ideally five. Discussing your future dreams with your new flame may seem really romantic, but indulging in it too often can be a red flag. “This indicates that you’re more into the idea of being in a relationship than with the actual person in front of you,” points out Laurie Puhn, J.D., author of Instant Persuasion: How to Change Your Words To Change Your Life. If your conversations tend to veer in that direction, consider an “activity date” like going to an art museum or taking a walk in the park which will force you to focus on things right in front of you — as well as each other.
*Wait to say “I love you” (even if you think you do)
When you’re in a relationship that feels so right, it can be tempting to utter those three little worlds on the early side. Harris advises against it: “The first time you feel like saying it, count to 10, go home and say it to your cat,” she says. After all, your feelings could be due to the fact that you two just shared a really romantic evening together. There’s also the risk that the feelings might not be mutual yet. So before you take this step, ask yourself: Will you be able to accept if your date doesn’t say “I love you” back, or will you be crushed? If it’s the latter, then it’s probably best to hold off until more time has passed and you’re more confident about each other’s intentions.
If, on the other hand, you’re on the receiving end of an early “I love you,” don’t feel obliged to say it back if you’re not feeling it yet. But that doesn’t mean you should ignore the overture or, worse yet, give them a lecture about how they couldn’t possibly feel that way so soon. “This person has just made him- or herself really vulnerable, so you want to be careful,” says Harris. Try, “I’m so touched you just said that, and I feel strongly for you. It’s hard for me to use that word right now but feel like I may be getting there, too.” Who knows; maybe you will sooner than you think!
Anna Harris is a freelance writer in New York City. She has only fallen head over heels once — and she married him. And for the record, he said “I love you” first.
This article was written b y….
Corey C’Yo Brown is a 25 year old native from Louisiana who has, since childhood, had a very charismatic personality along with the drive and passion to help others. Described as “a driven, multi-talented, passionate man” this Louisiana native is destined for greatness. His dream and goal to use he personal gifts to help a massive amount of people. This is why Corey chose to pursue his undergraduate degree in Mass Communications and go on even further by obtaining his masters degree from North Carolina Central University in Agency Mental Health Counseling.
Tags: advice, drake, love, relationships
CRAZY AND DAMN PROUD OF IT!
Jul 5, 2010 Free Flow
I am convinced my mind works like no other. Well, maybe there are a very select few of people that walk this green earth who, like me, think about life inside and out. They question the most believed theories and challenge the most talked about notions, ultimately to seek the truth to man kind’s very existence. Sometimes they can be the person that easily takes one sentence from a light careless conversation and transform it into a deep, thoughtful mind exercise; thus Becoming the reason all the people who were talking walk away thinking of the information shared in a whole different light.
If these people exist outside of me, they too, are loved dearly by those who really know them and despised by those who were introduced to their intellect before their heart.
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A FIEND’S ADDICTION
Jan 25, 2010 Free Flow
I’m addicted
Not to cocaine or blue magic
but his magic
See I’m his heroine n he’s my heroin
and I need that fix
that fix only he can fix
He cultivates it in his dwellings
and I’m trynna dwell with in
Find that short cut
before he cuts it short
I can’t afford to be without
I just want to be with in
wherever he’s at
Trying to capture my next high
So I can go to the next high
I’m craving him, I fienin’ for him
I space out every time he speaks
his words matriculate into my veins
and mine for him does the same
But he’s My Dealer, yet I’m his drug
Huh?
He supplies me every time we meet
Yet I’m not in some back alley
I’m in his alley
I’m on his sheets
The very one’s his heart stains with ink
Yet if I’m not there
his desire is no more
his will is bleak
and empty, will remain those sheets
I wonder if he fiends for me?
It’s common knowledge you can’t use your profits
Am I his prophet?
Or is he mine
Cuz its prophetic every time
I catch a quick hit, Damn Man, I’m addicted
He’s my addict
Yet I’m his fiend
I supply him
Yet he satisfies the Need
I wonder if we could coexist
If this addiction to each other cease to exist?
